How to Support a Friend or Family Member Diagnosed with Breast Cancer: A Guide to Compassionate Care

Ms. Claudia Borg Azzopardi, a Health Psychologist, is the voice behind this compassionate and insightful guide. As a vital member of TAASC Multidisciplinary team, Claudia's expertise extends to various aspects of psychological intervention and emotional support.

Introduction

Receiving a breast cancer diagnosis is a life-altering event that, not only affects the person diagnosed, but also their friends and family members. The journey through breast cancer can be a challenging one, both physically, emotionally, and psychologically. This diagnosis also impacts the individual’s social sphere, which might leave the person feeling alone and misunderstood. Some might find themselves utilizing self-isolating behaviours in order to ensure they are not burdening others around them. Providing support to your loved one during this time is essential in helping them cope with the diagnosis, treatment, and recovery process. The aim of this article is to explore various ways you can offer your support, understanding, and love to someone facing breast cancer.

1. Educate Yourself

One of the most important ways to support your loved one is by educating yourself about breast cancer. Understand the basics of the disease, the available treatments, and potential side effects. This knowledge will enable you to have informed and empathetic conversations with your friend or family member. Having said that, being informed is helpful for your own understanding and not to offer opposing opinions to the treatment plans offered by the medical team. This differentiation is vital because it is important that we do not overwhelm our loved one with the multitude of research and information available.

Reflexive question: Am I informing myself to instruct, or to listen and understand the process of my loved one?

2. Be a Good Listener

Offering a listening ear can make a significant difference. Encourage your loved one to express their feelings, fears, and concerns. Sometimes, just having someone to talk to can provide immense relief. Be patient, understanding, and non-judgmental during these conversations. Moreover, it is important to respect moments where your loved one might not wish to share their current experiences. Giving or holding space is also a very useful way of showing your support.

Reflexive questions: Am I willing to take a non-judgemental approach while listening to this person? How can I become more aware of my biases and where they come from with regards to this subject matter?

3. Accompany Them to Appointments

Medical appointments can be overwhelming. Offer to accompany your friend or family member to their doctor's appointments and treatments. Having a familiar face by their side may provide comfort and emotional support. Ask the person whether they would need you to take notes during appointments, as it can be difficult for the person going through treatment to remember all the details.

Reflexive question: Is it okay to give feedback about anxiety and depression if I notice any symptoms coming from my friend/relative? Is this something that I can handle at the moment? (It is vital to be aware of your own emotional state before accompanying your loved one).

4. Help with Daily Tasks

Breast cancer treatments may be exhausting and debilitating. Offer practical help with daily tasks such as cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and childcare. By offering to lighten their load, you allow them to focus on their recovery and well-being.

Disclaimer – It is pertinent to be aware that this journey also impacts the person’s sense of self. Therefore, it is important to ask them what they are comfortable with doing. This is important because the individual might need to participate in certain tasks which are meaningful and vital to their role and identity (as a mother, daughter, partner, sibling, friend, employee/professional).

Reflexive questions: Am I mindful of the nature of which I am offering my support? Am I helping the person feel like they have the option?

5. Respect Their Choices

Every individual’s experience with cancer is unique. Respect your loved one’s decisions regarding their treatment plan, lifestyle choices, and privacy. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or pushing them into decisions they are not comfortable with. This might include decisions regarding reconstruction or other general appearance options.

Reflexive questions: Am I making assumptions about this person’s journey through breast cancer? Are my past experiences of relatives or friends clouding the way I am supporting this person?

6. Offer Emotional Support

Breast cancer can evoke a range of emotions, from fear and sadness to anger, frustration, and numbness. Be a pillar of emotional support. Offer hugs, words of encouragement, and reassurance. Let them know that it is okay to feel the way they do and that you are there for them, no matter what. Sit together in silence if that is what they need at that moment. The reactions of people around them can be a central part of how they perceive themselves.

Disclaimer – Be aware that overly positive reactions from people around them might come across as inauthentic and unrealistic, leaving the individual to feel misunderstood or side-lined.

Reflexive question: Am I being genuine and authentic in the words I am choosing to use with this person?

7. Organize a Support Network

Coordinate with other friends and family members to create a support network. This network can assist with various tasks, provide emotional support, and ensure that your loved one is surrounded by caring individuals. Communication is key within this network, so everyone is aware of how they can contribute effectively and when to involve themselves. Also keep in mind that some people might feel more comfortable with having very few people involved – therefore it is important to respect the decisions of your loved one.

Reflexive question: Am I acting in the best interest of my friend/relative? Am I making sure to utilise these resources in a proper way?

8. Celebrate Milestones

Ask your friend/relative how they would feel to celebrate the small victories and milestones achieved during the treatment process. Whether it’s completing a round of chemotherapy or reaching a recovery milestone, acknowledging these achievements may boost your loved one’s morale and provide a sense of accomplishment.

Reflexive questions: Am I aware of how this person feels about celebrating? Whose need is it to celebrate?

9. Take Care of Yourself

Supporting someone with breast cancer can be emotionally draining. Remember to take care of your own well-being as well. Seek support from friends, support groups, or a therapist if needed. By maintaining your own emotional and physical health, you will be better equipped to provide ongoing support.

Reflexive questions: Am I aware of the challenges I experience as a witness of breast cancer? How would I feel to ask for support from a professional when I need to do so?

10. If you are their Partner

Have conversations about future plans, and about your relationship. Be open to discuss fears, expectations, worries and hopes. Make sure to speak about the physical impact that this diagnosis might have on the couple; this would be helpful in offering your loved one the reassurance they would need about their bodies and the changes witnessed. It is important to be open to speak about sexual needs and expectations, and not to shy away of the topic if it is pertinent to your loved one. Respect boundaries which are made and cultivate trust in the way you interact as a couple. 

Conclusion

Supporting a friend or family member diagnosed with breast cancer requires empathy, patience, and understanding. By educating yourself, offering a listening ear, providing practical assistance, and respecting their choices, you can make a significant difference in their journey towards recovery. Your unwavering support can offer them the strength and courage they need to face the challenges of breast cancer with determination and hope.